Sh. P136, Enex 100 Bldg.
783-703 Hay Street Perth, WA 6000
Ph: (08) 9486 7715
Like an overexcited nudist enthusiast, the gourmet burger scene has seemingly exploded all over the place in the last five years, with big franchises and little burger bars popping up all over the place. Thankfully for me it means there are plenty of tasty nooks and crannies left to check out and review (also just like an overexcited nudist enthusiast).
A while back I stepped into the newish shoppery building in Perth, known as Enex 100. Locals will know it as the collection of clothing stores where store assistants wearing vests and chravats banally chat away to each other, pausing only to stare down any unfortunates who think they can afford to shop there. But I had not come there in search of shopping wankery. I was there to eat at Burger Edge, a new franchise that had set up a booth in the food court on the top floor of the building.
Accompanied by my sometime burger-reviewing partner in crime Julie (happy birthday!) I stepped up to the counter and perused their menu. With burger names like 'The BBQ Bacon' and 'The Mexican' I thought I had wandered into a pizzeria instead. In the end I settled on the similarly pizza-themed 'The Meat Lover'. Let's dig in!
APPEARANCE: It looked okay. There, I put as much effort into describing it as they did into slapping it together. We're even. SCORE: 6
INGREDIENTS: Beef patty, short rindless bacon, salami, ham, cheese, salad, BBQ sauce in a white sourdough bun. Yep, that's a pretty meaty burger. I was most excited about the salami - one of my favourite pizza toppings - and hoped it would translate just as tastily as a burger ingredient. The salad amounted to lettuce, tomato and onion (i.e. the basics) and it was all served in a white sourdough bun, because everything tastes better when its sour. Sourdough or sourdon't, that is the question, amiright?! SCORE: 7.5
TASTE: On first bite, the bun was dry, but the burger pattie had that delicious flame-grilled flavour that Hungry Jacks boasts of (except in their case I think it comes from a spray bottle). With each consecutive bite, the bun became drier and drier. The outer edges were nice and slightly burnt, but towards the center it was like chewing through a dust storm. Then the meat began to meld together into its own kind of 'Human Centipede' monstrosity. I couldn't tell the bacon from the salami, the beef from the ham. It just tasted like a metric buttload of MEAT. At risk of overdosing from the carnage, I begged the salad to get in there and defuse the situation. Sadly the red onion was crunchy and raw, the tomato was devoid of flavour and the lettuce limp and ineffectual (as always). A promising start had descended into a meat-lined madhouse. SCORE: 6.5
HANDLING: There was a small amount of drippage, which almost seems to be expected these days. No, kind sirs, I don't appreciate the animal-flavoured innards of my meal spilling out onto my lap, ruining my brand new kilt and inconveniencing the passers-by. Still, I've had worse. Much worse. SCORE: 7.5
AFTERMATH: I honestly cannot remember how well this burger sat in my digestive tract. Considering it was several fistfuls of grilled flesh wrapped in ashes, it can't have been too pleasant. But alas, we'll never know for sure and I'll have to give the burger the benefit of the doubt. SCORE: 6
PRICE: With a serve of onion rings this carnivorous catastrophe left me $16 lighter. Again, these supposedly 'gourmet' burger bars are pushing the upper limits of what is considered a reasonable price for a hamburger. Still, they aren't the only ones guilty of this, and the onion rings were pretty tasty. SCORE: 6
OVERALL: If you can't get out to Burger Edge any time soon, I have a way you can recreate the experience in your own home. Order in a meat-lovers pizza. Sprinkle with tomato and lettuce. Roll up the pizza and its topping and begin mastication. Ta-dahhhh!!!
FINAL SCORE: 6.5/10
