Burger Review #4: Truffled Wagyu Beef Burger

Welcome back all you loyal burger fans to another exciting instalment of Brett's Burger Review? He's back and freshened up after narrowly escaping the clutches of the roly-poly truffled pigball. Will our daring hero ever find that perfect burger? Read on dear fellows...

Okay, so the gourmet burger route didn't go quite as I had planned. The addition of truffles, undeniably one of the swankiest of ingredients, did little to make up for poor presentation, lack of variety in other ingredients and the, frankly, baffling taste. Nevertheless, I refused to give up after one mixed experience. I had to try another gourmet burger - and stat!

Luckily for me there was more than one type of burger on offer at the Mundaring Truffle Festival several weeks back. Ever the glutton, I bought two - one to have for the lunch and the other for dinner that night. The Truffled Moon-meat Burger was dealt with in the last review (and let us never mention its cursed name again...). It was now time to face the Truffled Wagyu Beef Burger!

APPEARANCE: The folks at the truffle festival clearly feared that alien lifeforms were after their burgers. That is the only reason I can think of for them being wrapped in so much god-damn foil! Evidently it helps repel the cosmic rays fired by the burger-hating Martian race. Once my lovingly be-foiled meal was freed from its metallic tomb I was left with a cruelly familiar sight. Plain bun, meat patty and that blasted rocket sticking out the bottom, forever taunting me. Was I destined to relive the experience of the moon-meat debacle? SCORE: 3

INGREDIENTS: After further inspection it certainly seemed that way. The bun was again of high quality and thoroughly smeared in pungent truffle oil. The beef patty was a nice thickness and appeared to be nicely grilled. The rocket can go die in a fire - if you are going to put some salad in there, do it right! Lettuce and tomato, folks, it may not be classy but it beats the hell out of the limp and flavourless offering I had. A peek under the patty yielded a pleasant surprise in the form of sliced mushroom! All right, now we're getting somewhere! SCORE: 7

HANDLING: The handling with this burger was a cinch, mainly because there was very little to fall out of it in the first place. I can't figure out whether that should be a plus or a minus? The meat patty stayed in position like a good boy, unlike the ever-moving hog-ball from last time. The bun was slick with oil, and therefore my hands ended up the same way. Anyone have a napkin? SCORE: 7

TASTE: The burger was quite good but not very strong in truffle flavour, which is no bad thing. The oil that was lathered across the bun more than made up for the deficit. The patty was nicely charred around the edges, giving an extra boost to the taste-factor. Although the meat was nice, I expected a bit more from it. The flavour of minced remains of a massaged, beer-fed cow should be nothing short of transcendent, right? The mushrooms added a great counter-point to the meatiness and were a very welcome addition. The rocket shouldn't have bothered showing up, though I suppose it added a dash of colour to the mostly brown offering. SCORE: 7

AFTER EFFECTS: Considering I was close to overdosing on truffle-infused foodstuffs, I felt quite fine afterwards. There is always the unsettling feeling as a masticated lump of cow-bread amalgam drops into your stomach, but it quickly passed.SCORE: 8

VALUE: As with the moon-meat madness, this burger cost me a paltry tenner. Again, I consider that pretty good value for a meal loaded with gourmet ingredients. SCORE: 8

Overall the Truffled Wagyu Beef Burger was very tasty and not at all overshadowed by the truffle flavour. Some more salad would have been nice to break up the protein-and-carbs bonanza, but I couldn't complain too much. The quality and flavour of the burger meat is far ahead of the pack at this point, but that is still a way off what I believe a top-class burger should be. Room for improvement, truffle festival. See you next year.

FINAL SCORE: 7/10

Burger Review #3: Truffled Moon-meat Burger

Alright, time to class up this joint! For the past fortnight I had suffered through two sub-par burgers from two sub-par outlets. Anyone could see that this was a worrying trend that needed rectifying quick-smart. My fans (and my taste buds) demanded it!

I therefore confined myself to the Fortress of Burgitude and began researching whether a decent burger actually existed in this blighted state. Months later, I struck upon the answer.

A burger is only as good as the quality of its ingredients and, thus far, the deadly duo I had sampled did not rate highly in this category. Classifying their ingredients as 'mildly hazardous to all life' would be generous. Therefore the answer was clear - I had to track down a burger with only the toppest notch of ingredients. But what would that mean? Caviar ketchup? Gold-plated pickles?

As luck would have it, the annual Mundaring Truffle Festival was taking place in the nearby hills. I quickly grabbed my food-hating best friend (which seemed a poor choice on reflection) and raced up the highway to hopeful burger heaven.

That's no burger. It's a space station.

APPEARANCE: The Truffled Moon-meat Burger was not off to the best of starts. Despite containing the most gourmet of ingredients, the burger was casually tossed at me wrapped inside a big ball of foil. Not the most inspiring of presentations. Having unwrapped my early Xmas present, I was faced with an imposing mound of mashed pig-flesh balanced between two halves of a bun. The meaning of its name was now clear, for the burger was the exact same size and shape of the moon. A smattering of limp rocket poked out from beneath the pork-boulder. Well, looks aren't everything I (hope) suppose. SCORE: 3

INGREDIENTS: I must apologise as I forgot to take a photo of the menu that listed the complete breakdown of the burger. It made every single ingredient, even the rocket leaves, sound like the most divine food, express-delivered from the gods. My descriptive muscles don't flex as strongly, but I'll do my best. Basically you had the two halves of a good quality bun, smeared on both sides with fragrant truffle oil. Teetering in between was the titanic hog-sphere of doom, at least as big as my fist. This contained bits of truffle, herbs and possibly bits of cheese. It was hard to tell and, to be honest, I didn't wish to look to closely at what was possibly a dinosaur testicle. The meat orb rested on a scattering of rocket leaves, which were probably added as an afterthought to break up all the shades of brown. Although the list of ingredients was small, I hoped it was a matter of quality over quantity. SCORE: 6

HANDLING: Eating the cannonball of meat would have been much easier if I was a snake, because I could have unhinged my jaw and just let the whole thing slide down my throat. As it was I had to chip away at it with my puny man-sized bites. The handling started out well because, let's face it, there wasn't much to handle. But as I progressed it became harder and harder to get an even mouthful of both meat and bun. As I gripped the bun it seemed to force the burger into my mouth, like it was hatching a gigantic meat-egg. The last ten minutes or so of the meal was just me eating a, admittedly tasty, truffle oil-smeared bun. SCORE: 6

TASTE: This burger had been bathing in oil before I got my mits on it. The bun was glistening with oil. The porcine globe was slathered with it, like the king of pigs wallowing in a trough of the stuff. But it was truffle-oil, so all was good in the world. The flavour of the meat was intense, and I don't mean the truffles - I mean the pork! It was like an entire herd of boar had been distilled down into this one lump of meat. It was pig city, baby! Unfortunately the meat was a tad cold, and quite pink in the middle. The truffle flavour came through a little, but it was totally dominated by the pork. The taste was so strong that I struggled to finish it, and I'm a certified carnivore! A taste sensation, no doubt, but I'm not sure I liked the sensation. SCORE: 6

AFTER EFFECTS: This was a tough burger to digest. Lots of carbs, lots of protein, lots of rich ingredients. Considering I had eaten the equivalent of a baby head, however, it was not totally unexpected. SCORE: 4

VALUE: Before I even attended the festival I had bets with my friends to guess how much this burger would cost. Estimates ranged from $12 all the way up to around $28.50. It was therefore with some delight that I handed over a $10 bill in exchange for the moon-meat madness. Not bad for something laden with truffles. Although the taste didn't fully agree with me, the price was well worth the experience. SCORE: 8

So there you have it, a gourmet burger at last. The rich don't have it all easy, because this bad boy was tough on the taste buds and the stomach. I'm certainly glad I took the opportunity to have one, but I won't be adding it to my regular dining menu.

FINAL SCORE: 6/10